Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Hers Was A Curious Makeup

In the words of a certain Springsteen song, I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book. Therefore, you're getting a blog about a subject I've been pondering lately: makeup. Cosmetics. The stuff we put on our faces (and maybe other parts).

The United States is the biggest cosmetic market in the world, with an estimated annual revenue of about 54.89 billion U.S. dollars. You can't turn on a television or open a magazine without being lured by promises of a prettier, younger, brighter, more appealing, worthy-of-public-viewing face. Hope in a jar is a very salable product. Debbie Boone keeps crooning at me about a Lifestyle Lift. I kinda wish she'd stop.

As a traditional Southern woman, I admit it. The cliché applies—I won't walk to the mailbox without makeup. This is especially true for me, as my mail waits in a public post office. I've had an older male cousin remark on how a woman should always have her hair and makeup done for the grocery store or any other non-hidden environs, because she might encounter someone helpful in her career. Can't be seen looking less than your best. (Yes, I resented that a bit.)

During this morning's regimen I pondered how other women might feel. Do you put on makeup for yourself, or others? How long does it take you? Is your objective confidence, beauty, sexiness? Are you happier with or without it? Is it a chore, or is it fun?

I have days when I wonder if I'm doing the whole thing right. I recently attempted to correct this by submitting to a Bobbi Brown saleslady/makeup pro/painter of women. I muttered excuses and left the counter in horror when she finished, as I looked like the afternoon's designated mall clown. It took me ten minutes of swiping stuff off in a ladies' room to reenter the public domain.

One lady tells me she has "at home eyebrows" and "public eyebrows." I find this both amusing and sad.

My grandfather used to tell me, "Pretty is as pretty does." Does that maxim apply without lipstick and an eyelash curler?

Possible responses to "Why are you wearing makeup?":

Because I didn't have time for plastic surgery.
Because I feel naked without it.
Because all the other women are.
It was my morning art project.
I do not want to frighten small children.
Because I made the mistake of spending an hour with the Kardashians again.

What about it, ladies? I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm going to fix my face and ponder the subject.

Here's what Miranda thinks:

Love from Delta.